It was like jumping into the sky….

Press play and listen to this in the background as you read this.

I sometimes call your name.
Not knowing who you are.
These doubts are what hold me back.
Hold me from me, and I hope you can see.

How heavy are these words?
They’re heavier than air
that rushes past your face
as you swiftly turn to walk away again.

How heavy are my arms?
They’re heavier than the time
it takes for me to reach out
and attempt to pull you back again.

This entry is an actual conversation I had with a now new friend I met. We sat on transit. We sat as two strangers. I saw a solemn look on her face. I saw some emptiness. So I asked her to smile. Two missed stops later, she got off the bus with a smile, and I stared into space, to think about these moments that make you more than who you are. I sat up, smiled, got off the bus. Then walked 5 blocks back to my destination. It is not only important to live life, but it’s important to smile while you do it.

———————————-

I feel awkward today. I feel alone and just want things to work out.

“Is there any water near you?”

“…like lakes, oceans?”

“…like real close?”

No. Only at my home. Where I can run away for a moments time. None here. There is nothing familiar here for me. There is no retreat that I can go to steadily. Control has slipped away from me again. There is a river here, you can’t swim in it though.

“Well don’t swim just go at night and listen to it and dive into yourself. Let your mind wander where you want it to. Don’t be bound to the confines of your room, your friends, or your family.”

“It will calm you.”

“Start by thinking of all the good things in your life, and what they do to you. Smile when nobody is watching. Laugh when noone can hear you. And if you have to, cry, when no one can tell why.”

Wow.

“I have a bunch of different places i go if you were close i’d share them with you.”

“I go to this lake on top of a mountain, the moon seems so close and it reflects off the water along with all the stars. It’s beautiful. The way the stars scatter across the water its like all the dreams that people are waiting to have, and as each ripple goes away, it’s like another person had a dream to complete their nights sleep.”

I bet it is magical and mystical. I’m jealous now.

“It is so much more than magical. It’s pure, and it’s inviting. I even jumped in one night.”

“It just seemed so inviting, there was a light fog over the water.”

“It was like jumping into the sky with all the stars and the moon the way it reflected right back except it was really cold.”

“Sort of like I was flying. It’s an escape.”

Wow, I can imagine it.

Really.

“Good.”

“Listen for the wake hitting the rocks…”

“Imagine it washing away all the stuff in your life that doesn’t make you smile.”

“For that brief moment, you’re free.”

“And that’s all it takes to make you smile.”

You are so right and you give me courage…and you don’t even know me.

“No i don’t.”

Thank you.

“You’re welcome.”

“P.S. pass a smile to someone else today.”

“…even if it’s just a smile, it can make someones day.”

“just a smile is enough…”

To make you feel better.