I’ve lost. A lot.
I’ve gained. A lot.
The past year, I look back, I’ve grown. You know, not your typical, “Oh you’ve grown up!” No. I’ve made detrimental changes to my life that have affected my current situation. Last year around this time, I was in a big bind. I was fucked with a $45,000 truck; fucked with no job. Fucked.
One year I have grown so much. I have not grown in experiences, or have become rich with stories of the past. I’ve grown atypically; I’ve grown within myself. My own future is back on the right track and seemingly going to stay there for once. Without the support of my family, I cannot imagine the predicament I would be in.
Caustically, my life existed. I wasn’t in control of it. Along for the ride, I was. The depths of the shallows are as far as I could see. I maintained no insight, no craving, no desire, no want for anything more. Living in the moment is only the best way to describe it. Sometimes it takes incidents like this to discipline your soul, and penalize your heart and mind.
“You always say goodnight”.
Hearing those words at this moment is something I can call a travesty; haha. That era of my life has been diminished. I’ve put it out with the loathe for self-commiseration. It’s been extinguished with the hopes and dreams of the future, the present and what it takes to keep my momentum rolling in this forward motion. Any inclination to seep back through the cracks and dwell in the past is a mockery and will be treated as such.
I’ve heard your last “goodnight”. It’s not a person, it’s not a place. It’s nothing to do with any of you. It’s about self-recognition, self-progression, proliferation, headway, germination, whatever you want to call it. My mind has conquered the trite antagonist. The, until now, imperceptible adversary.
Join me. It’s an amazing feeling. I hope I can take you along. There is room for more.
Interested in changing the world.